peter dow (for embrace.co.uk)

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 13:01:00 GMT

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 01:47:30 +0100 (BST)
From: "Ben" <benthediva@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: a reply from a "genuine woman"
To: peterdow@talk21.com

Hi. I'm 20, British, straight with a slight bisexual leaning, I have a fully female body with curves and breasts, no kids but I'm fertile, and plenty of money. I'm exactly the kind of person you'd like, a "genuine woman" yes?

The truth is, I'm transsexual, FTM, born female but having a sex change in the future. I go by the name of Ben now, and always will. I don't consider myself a "genuine woman" in any way, which is why I'm writing to complain about your profile. You say that you don't mind about age, race, location, religious / political beliefs, whatever, and you don't appear to be homophobic. However, this line is just plain wrong ....

"No gay men, no transsexuals, no female impersonators. Genuine women only should apply!"

Now, I understand that if you're not gay, only women should apply. However, there are plenty of transwomen out there who are very much "genuine women". As a member of the trans community (a rare male member), I know lots of women who have had all the surgery, have women's bodies, can have sex as women, nothing male about them, and look way more feminine than a lot of women I know. So how are they not genuine women?

I understand your main concern here is childbirth, and we transpeople either are infertile or will become infertile. But there are other ways. To adopt a child is, in ways, much better than to have one of your own. These children have been abandoned by their parents, or been taken away by Social Services because of abuse or neglect. These children need parents. Your kids, who don't exist yet, don't.

If you really want them to be your own children, there are surrogate mothers, such as sisters or cousins carrying babies. Some biological women have to do this, if they have had cancer, birth defects, even abortions can botch it - what's next for your profile, "no women who have had cancer, only genuine women"? That's exactly the same as saying "no transsexuals". The only difference between a bio woman and a post-op transwoman is that they don't have the bits inside to make children. There are some "genuine women" who don't.

Also, I don't think you'll attract many women (I wouldn't be surprised if this is the first reply you've had) with that profile. Don't get me started on the rest of it, I was only speaking of that line. And putting your mobile number online is a very bad idea - I'm not going to call you, but I could if I wanted to, so could all sorts of people whom you wouldn't like to talk to. Just a piece of advice, and if you're as educated as you say, you'd leave it off.

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo,

Ben.

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Tue, 11 Oct 2005 20:14:59 +0100 (BST)
From: "Peter Dow" <peterdow@talk21.com>
Subject: Get lost you transsexual freak!
To: "Ben" <benthediva@yahoo.co.uk>

Hi Ben,

I have to say that I filed your email under “time wasters”. Sorry.

Assuming that your email was not just a wind-up or a practical joke -

I have no time to waste to convince you not to destroy your reproductive capability with inappropriate surgery. It might be different if you were a family member or a personal friend of mine, as then I might have a particular duty to convince you not to do it.

Obviously you have no true loving friends or family who love you the way you are now and you have to find the pathetic company with a perverted so-called “community” who will only fully accept you into their social group if you conform and submit to have mutilating surgery.

I suppose you were lucky in that you did not come across the group of people on the internet who want to be eaten or eat people. Otherwise, right now, such is your desperation to be accepted, that you’d be offering yourself up as a main course?

You are sadly deluded, brainwashed and set on a self-destructive course.

If you have time to plan your life out - if BEFORE SURGERY you decide to turn your back on the trans-sexual so-called “community” completely or you decide you want to have babies of your own - then if you are as curvy as you say then no doubt you’ll have no trouble in attracting a suitable sexual partner.

Transsexuals pre or post op, are unsuitable sexual partners in my book and should be shunned.

I realize that a transsexual won Big Brother one time. And a transsexual won the Eurovision song contest.
But writing to me is not like appearing on Big Brother or on the Eurovision song contest.

I have no sympathy, nor respect for anyone stupid enough to undergo transsexual surgery. Not you. Not anyone. It’s your own stupid fault.

Millions of stupid and ignorant people may disagree with me, and vote for a transsexual. I do not care what the ignorant masses think. I am not influenced by the mob. I am a man of principle and, as a standard bearer, I set my standard here in Scotland.

Homosexuality or bisexuality is OK. Transsexual surgery is not OK in my book. It should never be a crime to think of yourself as a transsexual but maybe doing inappropriate transsexual surgery should be a crime for the surgeon?

Yes, I think I would arrest any surgeon doing transsexual surgery and certainly I would have them struck off the medical register.

I am not interested in transsexuals. Waste your life if you wish - it is yours to waste - but PLEASE do not waste my time.

NO TRANSSEXUALS!

- Peter

PS. Thank you for not replying to this.

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Notes

1. He probably shouldn't have shared that he filed my e-mail under "time wasters" - the fact that he has a "time wasters" file shows that he's not getting good responses. Maybe others have e-mailed him saying similar things, or said true things about the other wrong parts of his profile. Maybe, if this is true, he should notice that he isn't getting good responses and maybe make some changes?

2. If he has no time to waste, why is the e-mail so long?

3. Yes, I do have people around me who love me as a woman or a man. If I didn't, maybe I'd create a website about how much I want a shag and a bunch of kids from a woman a lot younger than me.

4. The whole thing appears to be a personal attack on me. Maybe it was a mistake to mention that I am transsexual (not that I'm not proud of it) - maybe I should have spoken only of transsexual women, from an objective point of view, not mentioning myself. After all, I doubt that he even knew transmen existed before he got this e-mail. But even if I did, I doubt that the response would be very kind.

5. What I call "the transsexual community" does not refer to any sort of online community, though I do know most of the transpeople I know from NuttycaTS.com. If he does mean the TS community as in a place like NuttycaTS, they did not tell me to have surgery, and they have plenty of members who haven't had surgery and are very much accepted. It was my own choice to join that forum, and I knew that I needed sex reassignment surgery long before I joined there. It is naive of him to think that I decided to have SRS because of NuttycaTS or any other website. That's like saying that Embrace.co.uk coerced me into being a fan of Embrace, or that the Epilepsy Support Board (which I used to be a member of) coerced me into being epileptic. Anyway, "transsexual community" was a bad choice of words.

6. How does he know about this group of people who like being eaten!? :\

7. Big Brother? Eurovision? Yes, I know. Is it relevant? No.

8. It's not my "own stupid fault". Transpeople are born transsexual, just as black people are born black and Scandinavian people are born Scandinavian. This is me, and I can't change the fact that I'm me.

9. I don't see how being myself is "wasting my life". Is being yourself wasting your life, Mr. Dow?

10. Note how I have barely spoken of myself in my e-mail, just a quick introduction. He ONLY talks about me, not mentioning anything else I said, such as adoption, surrogate mothers, cancer or putting his mobile number online. He also doesn't give any valid reason for why TS women aren't "genuine women" (not that any TS woman, or any other woman for that matter, would go near him). I was hoping, as he is such an "educated" man, for an adult discussion which is worth continuing. However, he hasn't given any valid arguments, only personal attacks. I am quite disappointed.

In conclusion - I will do exactly what he thanks me for and not reply.

my livejournal

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 15:50:30 GMT

*private*

Ben x

A Diva's Tale

peter dow (for embrace.co.uk)

my livejournal